Wherein Miranda Calls a Fireworks Store in Nevada

Wherein Miranda calls a fireworks store in Nevada. Based on a true story.
 
Miranda dials the number for a fireworks store in Nevada. Someone picks up, but there’s no answer.

MIRANDA
Um, hello?

 

WOMAN
(after a long pause)
Hey.

 

MIRANDA
Is this the fireworks store?

 

WOMAN
Yeah.

 

MIRANDA
Okay cool, I’m looking for red and blue colored smoke bombs.

 

WOMAN
What? Snowballs?

 

MIRANDA
Red and blue colored smoke bombs.

 

WOMAN
Blue snowballs?

 

MIRANDA
No, smoke bombs. Do you have red and blue smoke bombs?

 

WOMAN
K, I’ll check.

 

WOMAN
(to someone in the store)
Hey do we have red and white snowballs?

 

MAN IN BACKGROUND
Snow…balls…?

 

WOMAN
Yeah I got a customer looking for red and white snowballs, do we have those?

 

There is a long pause, wherein the man apparently takes the phone from the woman.

 

MAN
Hello? What were you looking for, again?

 

MIRANDA
I’m looking for colored smoke bombs, specifically in red and blue. Do you guys carry anything like that?

 

MAN
Uhh lemme see… Okay, yeah, we do.

 

MIRANDA
In red and blue?

 

MAN
Oh. Um. Well, it’s a multi-pack. Let’s see — it’s got green, white, yellow, purple, and blue. So yeah.

 

MIRANDA
Okay. But there’s no red?

 

MAN
Oh! Red? Yeah. Actually, we have red but it’s separate. It’s not part of the multi-pack.

 

MIRANDA
Do you also have blue separate?

 

MAN
Oh, you know what, we do!

 

MIRANDA
Great, how much are those?

 

MAN
The multi-pack is $3 but we have a special that’s buy one get two free.

 

MIRANDA
Cool, but how much for the single colors? The red and blue?

 

MAN
Yeah, the buy one get two free special is for everything in the store right now.

 

MIRANDA
So how much are the red and blue?

 

MAN
The red is $5 each. But we have a special —

 

MIRANDA
How much is the blue?

 

MAN
The blue is $5 each.

 

MIRANDA
So they are both $5 each?

 

MAN
Yeah, but you can buy one get two free. That’s for everything in the store.

 

MIRANDA
Okay. Thanks for your help.